Friday, August 12, 2005

Hawaiian Hotties Handbook

A few weeks ago I had an idea for yet another book. In the

firm belief that there can never be enough fad diets in the United States, I have a new Hawaiian Hottie diet book I am ready to hawk. Well, after I write it, that is. The idea came about sort of in this way:

Sometimes it seems such a mystery how to have a healthy attractive body, right? No matter what you do, you never look like THAT, whatever that is. But parts of it may not be such a mystery. I mean, when is the last time you were in the candy aisle at the gas station buying a bag of cheetos and a Super-Snickers and looked over to see that guy inthe picture next to you buying the same thing. When? Never. And I think that's because that guy doesn't munch on bags of cheetos and snickers every day. Ok, so that much is obvious. Then what does he eat?

Why not just ask him. In fact, why not just sit out next to the AlaWai canal where all these people go by and when you see someone who you want to look like, stop them and ask them. How the heck do you look like that? And just write it down. Do they exercise every day? Do they eat whole-grain rice? Do they eat Snickers and just have the best genetics ever? So, there is no real diet in the book in the sense of - eat this and do this exercise. Instead, you find people who are obviously doing it right and just write it down. Of course, you have to make it cool and seemingly new.

Now, there are lots of questions to doing this. Where do you meet them exactly? If you sit by the jogging trail, then it seems likely that your subjects will all write down jogging as their exercise. So you have to get out there. You also don't want to just get 24 year-old perfect specimens. You want to know how the person who isn't training for their 3rd Ironman does it. We all know that if you devote your entire existence to training the perfect body, you will get somewhere, but that is not what we are after. What sorts of people do you ask? Again, you don't want all the 20 year old college kids as your model body. Doesn't help many people who aren't 20 anymore. So you need 45 year old hotties too to help you out.

Finally, the biggest question of all. How the heck do you stop some woman trying to jog along after work and ask her to keep a 6 week detailed record of her diet? I mean not without frightening her that there is some weird stalker asking her things that aren't his business. My only defensive idea is to have B with me. After all, if I have a 2 year old with me, I can't be hitting on her, right? Maybe I need to rig up a big flashing arrow pointing at my wedding ring too. Basically, this is just the fact that I am shy.

So there you go. I will never actually do this, odds are, so if you take the idea and run with it, I won't sue you, but if you could send a little trinket my way after you make your first million, it sure would be appreciated.


Tbones said...

Ha. That's an awesome idea. You should do it. I think the two-year-old will help, just carry a notepad with you and be all professor-like, like you're conducting a study.

And thanks for the comment on my blog. I think I will keep writing, especially since my life has become slightly interesting as of late.

My cousin just went to Hawaii for her honeymoon. She loved it. I hope to go there someday...

Anyway, good luck with the book!

Silentknyght said...

After wanting a physically attractive body for more than ten years, and finally approaching it after more than a year's solid effort... I have a few insights that I bet you may also discover in your research:
(a) Exercise and metabolism matter a lot more than diet. As long as you're not out of control with the cheetos, then an occasional indiscretion is fine.
(b) Exercise and diet have to be disciplined PERFECTLY if you're working against a genetic barrier. I think it's possible, but a "hot" body will definitely come easier to some than others due solely to genetics. I have been working seriously hard to acquire those "six pack abs," but I just don't have the body my younger brother has. The genes may be there, somewhere, but some people are just more blessed physically than others. Still, perhaps the lack of the abs is what really drives me to exercise (which is good for me for other reasons, too), and perhaps someone for whom hathat "hot" body has come easily, he or she is less inclined to exercise.
(c) The grass is always greener on the other side.

Silentknyght said...

Oh yeah. I'm a mid-twenties athletic student, so I suppose my comments aren't what you're looking for, anyway.

From my observations while going to the gym, a lot of the middle-aged women that I see have been surgically altered. Liposuction and breast augmentation are the big two. Perhaps others, but those are ones that can be actually noticed.

pacatrue said...

Thanks for the comments, silentknyght. Actually, it's OK to be a mid-20s athletic guy. I would expect the book to be filled with people such as yourself. After all, that's the physical ideal for out culture. I just meant that I did not want the entire book to be filled with people who train 4 hours a day. It should be complemented by other sorts of people as well. What would supposedly make the book different is that it is exactly NOT a book by physical trainers, professional athletes, aerobics instructors, etc., who form their life around physical health. It would be just people off the street, the implication being that we could be them too. Of course, I have no intention of ever getting around to this. And I just glanced through your blog, which is pretty cool. I'm actually about to add a big, long comment over there.

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