Saturday, September 15, 2007

I'm kinda, sorta innocent I tell you! Innocent!

It's Saturday night and B is asleep, so what would I be doing but dialing into work editing Review 1, which I thought was finished days ago, but one of the editors sent a whole list of new changes.

However, my connection to the work computer crashed yet again. I needed to wait a few minutes before re-connecting, and I'd already read all my normal blogs, so I clicked on Amazon. Maybe I'd browse my wishlist or something as a break.

You know how Amazon is always featuring ads from some store of theirs on the front page? Well, today's store.... Let me just say

Whoa.

Apparently, it was ladies' undergarment day, and not just any old lingerie set, they ain't promoting Hanes HerWay here; I'm talking fishnet body stockings with cutouts for ummm, uhhhh, my mom and spouse read this, ummm cut-outs for.... well, there were two openings. Balanced. That required strategic finger placement.

Now, I, despite being shocked, shocked I tell you!, found the courage to click on one undeniably sexy, but still in the classy version of sexy, instead of the raunchy version of sexy, picture.** In fact it was this one. Now before you click the link, it will take you to sexy lingerie pics on Amazon. You must judge if it's NSFW or not. Oh, the link.

From this link, you can follow links to other things people purchased who looked at this, and I was genuinely surprised for some reason. I remember quite clearly quite clearly in high school, guys hording the shocking and risqué Frederick's of Hollywood catalogue. Logic tells me that I shouldn't be surprised that Amazon sells these things and that they have pictures of models wearing them. I know one mall here has a Fredericks' store in it. And actually the whole family was in Sears a few days ago because N was buying a new dress for a conference banquet that she is at right now. While N was in the dressing room, I was having a fun time amusing myself with B in the lingerie section of Sears, which truly was right next to the dresses. I would hold up a little red lace thong for B and turn it around, saying, "oh no! they forgot the back side!" N didn't find the game exactly appropriate.

But despite the fact that most of the same stuff is at Sears, I for some reason was genuinely surprised to find it on Amazon. Of course, Sears doesn't have women wearing it walking around. Hmm.. I see a visit to the Sears Suggestion Box in the near future. Anyway, how do teenage boys ever do anything if they can look at these things right on Amazon? There must be this 6 month vanishing act now around the age of 12 or 13 when puberty hits.

After all this, however, I was left with a question. After extensive research and careful study, I can't tell the difference between a chemise, a charmeuse, and a baby doll. Does anyone know? And if you do know the answer, could you, um, explain it with pictures?***

Did I say "extensive research"? I meant a passing glance. In fact, the only reason I was on any of these pages for any length of time at all was because I was so bored I kept falling asleep.

**(OK, maybe classy isn't exactly the word, but it's not this!)
*** Here's my best guess. I kept studying the shape of the... garment. But is it perhaps in the fabric itself? The charmeuse and chemise seem more satiny than the baby dolls.

5 comments:

ril said...

So, how does you Amazon "Page you Made?" look now? And what about your personalized "People who looked at this also looked at..."

Log out and delete your cookies now! Anything you do in Amazon leaves a sticky trail. Not too sticky, I hope...

Ello said...

ARGHHHHHH!!! You made me click on it! My innocent eyes!!!! My poor Amazon profile! They sell that on Amazon? I am shocked! Why am I shocked? Why are you shocked? Does that make us prudes? I read this yesterday without clicking. Today curiosity got the best in me. Bad curiosity, bad.

pacatrue said...

I don't think we should worry too much about the Amazon trail. For me, I can't be caught by my wife looking at such pictures on Amazon because I blogged about it. Kind of ruins the surprise.

And then for ello, well, if her husband catches her looking at these items, the odds are he will think she's contemplating spicing things up at home, and that'll just earn her lots of "greatest spouse" points. The only drawback is if she is later required to carry through -- if that's a drawback.

As for the prude thing, it just never occurred to me that I could be embarassed looking at anything on Amazon. (Though I have known some men who are really, really, really fond of their TV.) I fully expect such things if I turn on Cinemax at midnight; but I would be surprised if anyone's wearing them on Everybody Loves Raymond. Particularly, if it's Raymond.

Ello said...

My husband can dream all he wants but I would rather shove spikes up my nose while dancing the irish jig on a stage full of stampeding elephants than wear that outfit. Maybe cause I'm a girl, but that just didn't look sexy to me at all. I'm supposing a guy would think differently? Course now if my husband were to wear something like that you would be taking me to the hospital because I will probably haved coughed up my lungs screaming in laughter.

December/Stacia said...

A chemise is a long(ish) undergarment, like a slip. It is either form-fitting all the way down or loose all the way down. (Usually form-fitting now, but they used to be looser. Women wore them over or under corsets and gowns, depending on time period.)


A babydoll is a nightie, with an empire waist so it hugs the breasts and floats from there.