Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Newman's Own Gone Weird

I am going to attempt to teach a class tomorrow morning. We will see how it goes. I taught twice the first week of the semester and haven't been back on campus since. It's been hard to get off to a roaring start on the year, no?

In other news, I read the back of Newman's Own Light Italian dressing bottle during dinner tonight. This is some of the most bizarre marketing copy I've ever read. Particularly note the name of our "heroine". I'm not making this up. Here you go:

The great salad balloon race across the boot of Italy. An armada of balloons loaded with Light Italian. The starters gun - Bazoombah! They all rise majestically into the air. Newman's Own Balloon, with fewer calories, more taste, and secretly propelled by charity, flies faster than Kraft and further than Wishbone. First across. First on the ground. El Piloto quaffs mucho quaffs of Newman's Own Light Italian in victory. A medium light Italian starlet, daughter of Butch Cassidini, named Bitch Cassidini, leaps into the balloon basket, kisses Piloto, her lips smeared with Newman's Own Light, she murmurs, "You taste of Sicily, of Vesuvius, of Naples, baby", and patting his fanny she whispers, "and no fat."

Yes, Bitch Cassidini. And El piloto quaffs mucho quaffs. I think someone there's been drinking a little too much of Newman's Own vodka.

5 comments:

Courtney said...

did u just say bitch? lol and all the back of there bottles are crazy like that.

how u felling big brother?

December/Stacia said...

That's actually pretty typical product labeling in England, where they always assume you need creative spelling and encouragement to understand how to put a frozen pizza in the oven.

Ello said...

Are you kidding me? I love that stuff and never read the back! I'll have to check it out!

and by the way - now I'm sick. I think it is somehow your fault. ;o)

How are you?

ChristineEldin said...

I've never read the back either!
Thanks for some future grocery fun!
;-)

writtenwyrdd said...

That is funny stuff. I hope you are feeling better finally, paca!
PS, I thought you might like the word veri: Bdidguk